


My Beautiful Palette: I Only Paint For You

by Pink_Seashell



Series: My Beautiful Palette [3]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Blow Jobs, Bottom Na Jaemin, Boys Kissing, Drama, Drug Use, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, Fights, Hand Jobs, M/M, Possessive Behavior, Psychological Trauma, Recreational Drug Use, Smut, Top Lee Jeno, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-17
Updated: 2021-01-12
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:53:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,854
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25949902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pink_Seashell/pseuds/Pink_Seashell
Summary: Jaemin wished that this was all a nightmare. He wished that he would wake up any second and laugh it over with Jeno over a cup of hot chocolate. Fate had it written that Jaemin should be loyal to this nightmare, but he desperately wishes to wake up.When will this nightmarish dance of fate end?*This is [Book 3]. Please read the first two books before reading this one or you will be lost.
Relationships: Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin, Na Jaemin/Wong Yuk Hei | Lucas
Series: My Beautiful Palette [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1562815
Comments: 2
Kudos: 39





	1. Prologue

The air grew deeper in his lungs with each step that he took. The cold air cut into his skin through his soaked jacket as he raced across the pavement. Frantic, quick breaths burned his throat.

Shit.

That was the only word that clouded his mind currently. The mud crept up his jeans after he tripped over a bundle of crates covering the pavement to the side of the strangely empty street. Footsteps echoed behind him endlessly. His vision was starting to blur both from the pounding rain and the numbing waves of hopelessness dragging his feet.

He briefly turned his head to glance behind him as the dark figure chased him closely, as if he were never a step ahead of him.

“Shit”

His busted lip ached as he wiped the blood in the corner of his mouth. _Who even is this guy?_ He thought as he pushed a trash can over behind him, hoping that it would slow the man down.

This man had been trailing him for about a week now, but he thought nothing of it.

Jaemin wasn’t too sure who he was, and that didn’t matter as the neon signs blurred past him in the corner of his eyes. Whoever he was, he knew that he wanted him dead.

As Jaemin glanced behind him once again, the man was nowhere to be seen. Energy drained out of him in a sudden rush. His head lolled to the side a bit as he exhaled, his chest deflating, the air rattling in his lungs. He thought that he might throw up as the fatigue settled in his bones. He felt as if his legs would give out at any moment.

He staggered into an alleyway to catch his breath, leaning against the wall as he ran his hand through his hair, closing his eyes as a wave of nausea washed over him. His vision was slipping in and out of focus as he breathed in the night air.

He wished that this was all a nightmare. That he would wake up any second and laugh it off, maybe even tell Haechan about it.

But this wasn’t a dream.

Pitch black enveloped his vision every time he had time to stop and breathe. Jaemin hated that he was weak. Hated that he wasn’t strong enough to do anything.

When he reluctantly opened his eyes, a pair of black orbs was staring right at him, a satisfactory grin placed on the man’s face. “Why did you even try? You already know that you can’t run away from me.” He smiled humorlessly.

As if the reality of his current situation pummeled into him, a strong kick landed squarely in his gut. Jaemin went flying backward, hitting the rough alley wall with a choked cry of pain.

Jaemin didn’t remember much after that. He was in a daze as the fatigue and searing pain settled into his bones. The man inched closer as he removed his hood, the rain soaking his hair. Jaemin instinctively stepped backwards, bumping into the brick red wall.

“What do you want from me? I’ll give you anything just please leave me alone” He asked desperately. The amount of air he had to draw in to say those words alarmed him faintly.

“What do I want?” The man mulled over, repeating the words slowly. Suddenly his hand wrapped around Jaemin’s neck, a smile covering his face as the oxygen slowly left Jaemin’s body. 

He clawed and torn at the man’s hands, eyes and mouth wide open as he struggled to draw in air.

“You took something that was mine. I’m just here to collect it, that’s all.” He said as he pressed Jaemin’s neck further into the brick wall, watching the other’s expression contort into agony as he resisted.

“Try to guess who I am, I’m sure that you can tell by the family resemblance.” The man spoke confidently, arching his eyebrow. “Oh, that’s right, you can’t speak right now.”

He laughed tauntingly as his leaned closer, whispering into his ear. “Well, it doesn’t matter anyway.”

Jaemin’s hands which had instinctively scratched around the fingers gripping his throat dropped to his sides abruptly, his knuckled stinging as it brushed against the rough brick wall. Tears filled his eyes as he felt himself losing the energy to fight back the darkness. All he saw were those black eyes before he lost consciousness.

  
“Sleep tight.”


	2. Chapter 2

**2 Weeks from Present Day**

“Wanna go out for a smoke with me in 5?” The bartender asked from behind the bar as she wiped the spots from the champagne flute.

“No thanks.” Jaemin muttered as he picked up the spray bottle, spraying the blue liquid on the black marble bar table. The boisterous sound of the cheers pounded against his eardrums as he wiped the table clean of the spilled whisky. He didn’t even know how long he had been working today, but it was a much-needed distraction, and he honestly needed the money.

The usual crowd of yakuza members and men in business suits filled the room. Although it was an infamous gay club, women who looked like escorts often came in to get a look, anxious to see the sexy men on the poles. One time, Jaemin was even dragged to the private rooms in the back to give a private show for a deal. It was an experience that led to a very angry Haechan and a few broken hearts. A shiver ran down his spine at the memory, bringing him back to reality.

He tiredly glanced to the right at the filled tables, wondering why this place was always packed to the brim with people. _Don’t they have jobs to do?_ He thought as he was nearly finished polishing the tables, moving his neck to relieve the ache in his stiff muscles. Jaemin then bent down, attempting to pick up a glass bottle that was left on the floor when his phone fell out of his front pocket, landing on the ground. He picked it up, pressing down on the home button with his thumb accidentally as he did.

His mother’s number was on the screen, a single text illuminated.

**‘When are you coming home?’**

It was a very confusing and unsettling sight to see. He frowned, reading the text over and over again till the words started to swim. The last time that he had been home, his parents kicked him out, calling him a disgrace when they caught him kissing a boy in his room just after he graduated from high school. It was the reason why he fled to Japan and never looked back.

_Come back home?_ Jaemin laughed humorlessly, deleting the text and stuffing it back into the front pocket of his black slacks. His life was turning out to be some huge shitshow with everyone around him getting front row tickets.

Jaemin threw the alcohol-soaked towel in the red bin behind the bar and propped his hand on the side of his cheek, briefly resting his eyes and letting his breath out in a heavy sigh as he did. He could hardly believe that someone from his family decided to contact him, let alone try to comprehend why the fuck his mother felt the need to text him out of nowhere.

He reached up with his free hand to rub his fingers through his honey brown hair. He was tired, so very tired. Today seemed to be a huge gift from hell as soon as he walked through the front entrance.

This entire morning, he had been following every order that Taeyong had given him. One of them was to drive to the Red House’s suppliers to do a quality check on an order, and even that had been an hour away. As much as he respected Taeyong, he didn’t know if he knew what Jaemin’s job actually entailed, because surely delivery inspections were _not_ in the job description.

He had even seen Lucas again today, that annoying fuck, and had once again heard the man talking about him openly as if he were some sort of object. After all of the ignored texts that he sent Jaemin, he had resorted to badmouthing him to his coworkers instead.

No matter the case, it wasn’t like he could quit even if he wanted to. In the past year, Jeno had happily paid for all the apartment’s bills when they were dating.

What a mistake that was.

Not only was Jaemin completely broke now, but he also on the verge of losing his apartment since he couldn’t keep up with all of the bills. He had already begged on his knees to the landlord and asked for one more week extension, and that did enough damage to what little pride he had left. The last thing that he needed was to be heartbroken and homeless. It couldn’t get any worse than that.

The thought of him sleeping on the bench asking for spare change made his blood run cold. He furrowed his brows as he got up from his mini rest with a newfound determination. This was his last chance at a good paying gig.

Before he could take another step, an arm rested across his shoulder, suddenly pulling him in close. “Why don’t you go take a break? I already left some hot snacks in the back room. You should go before it gets cold.”

“I don’t need a break Haechan, I just need to keep working. A break means losing out on tips, and I need those tips right now.” He uttered as he walked past him, heading towards the previously filled table that was now covered with empty champagne bottles.

Haechan followed behind him right on his tail, watching his every move. “Why are you being so stubborn? It’s already been what, 10 hours? You have been working since 5 a.m. Jaemin, you’re overdue for a break.” He exasperated.

“For the last time, I don’t need a break!” Jaemin said assertedly. He managed to hold all five bottles on his tray, heading back towards the recycle room.

A head of black silky hair peaked from inside the recycle room, quietly watching the interaction as they sorted the bottles in their designated bins.

Haechan sighed and closed the door behind him to shut out the loud music. “Have you looked in the mirror lately? You have bags under your eyes, I know that you’re tired. If you don’t take a break, then I will have no choice but to—”

“But to what?” Jaemin said with a stern tone, daring him to continue. “I know that we’re friends Haechan, but I can take care of myself.”

Haechan snickered sarcastically under his breath and muttered something along the lines of a “yeah right.”

“Maybe Haechan’s right, aren’t you tired?” Sunmi interjected with an empty glass bottle in hand, quietly eavesdropping on the conversation. “I can always cover for you, even for an hour.”

“Thanks, Sunmi, but no thanks. I got it covered.” Jaemin said as he emptied the last glass bottle into the clear recycling bin. He then left the room and made long strides back to the table to wipe it down, pocketing the ¥10000 tip left on the table.

Jaemin felt their worried gazes burning through the back of his head, but he just didn’t have the time to lose. He didn’t have anyone to lean on anymore, and if he were going to be put in debt, it would be over his dead body.

From the corner of his eye, he could see a figure clothed in all black with a hoodie, his face covered with a mask. But when Jaemin fully turned his head to get a better look, the person vanished just as quickly as they appeared.

“Am I really _that_ sleep deprived?” Jaemin mumbled as he went back to wiping down the booth, blaming his poor vision since he seemed to be imagining things now.

As he sprayed some more cleaner on the booth chairs, red blood dropped onto the white shiny cushion. He stumbled backwards as he put a hand to his nose, dabbing the blood with a look of disbelief.

This can’t be happening.

He inwardly cursed at himself as he tilted his head back. It didn’t seem to do much as more blood trickled down his nose, his white shirt catching all of the droplets as it seeped through. He could hear his own heartbeat pounding in his ears as his eyes slightly rolled back.

“Jaemin! Are you okay?” Ten shrieked as he looked down at him from the stage with a look of horror. Luckily, he hadn’t started his performance yet. “Hiroto, can you cover for me? I’ll be back soon!” He yelled disjointly as he quickly paced down the steps in his tight black spanks and heels, his torso covered in baby oil.

Ten cupped Jaemin’s face, tilting it back gently. “What happened?” He said with a worried expression.

“It’s okay, I’m okay. It’s just a little nosebleed.” Jaemin muttered incoherently. The room felt like it was spinning.

“You look very sick, c’mon.” He said as he ushered Jaemin through the crowd to the back room.

The sight was probably one for the books. A waiter with a bloody nose carried out of the floor by a half-naked man covered with oil. Fortunately, phones weren’t allowed inside this floor.

As soon as they reached the room, Ten had attempted to remove his arm from Jaemin’s slim waist, but as soon as he did Jaemin stumbled forwards, his sense of balance completely off.

The waiter abruptly grabbed Ten’s arm to steady himself but since it was covered in oil, he managed to fall forward hard, his head hitting the ground as he fell face first.

“Agh!” He moaned, sitting up from the black tiled floor as he put his hand on his head. A look of horror flashed on Ten’s face once again.

“Oh my god, Jaemin I’m so fucking sorry! It wasn’t on purpose, uh let me just—I’ll go get someone. Just wait here and use this.” Ten said quickly, pushing a wad of tissues from the table into Jaemin’s hands before running out of the room.

Jaemin groaned in pain once again as he wiped the blood from his chin, shoving a few pieces up his nose. This had to be the fourth worse day in his entire life, he thought as he got up from the floor and laid down on the sofa.

Shortly after, someone came into the room with a bottle of pain killers and a first aid kit. Jaemin sat up to get a look at the person, and to his surprise and demise, it was Yuta.

_This was seriously one of my worst days_ , he thought as he plopped back down on the sofa.

“How’s my favorite patient doing today?” Yuta snickered as he grabbed a chair, pulling it up to the sofa before sitting down.

“Why are you here? Just seeing you makes me nauseous.” Jaemin huffed.

“Ten said that you needed help, and here I am. I thought that you would be more relieved.”

“I don’t need your help; I feel fine now that I’m laying down.”

Yuta took one look at the tissues abruptly stuffed up his nose and rolled his eyes, “Yeah, sure you do.” He took the first aid kit and grabbed the disinfectant spray. He then got a hold of Jaemin’s chin and turned his head towards him before saying, “This might sting a little.”

“Fuck! Wait can you just— ow!” Jaemin cursed breathlessly as the chemicals hit the corner of head that he had hit earlier. He tried to turn his head away, but Yuta held him firmly in place, he could only wriggle in place. “That fucking stings! Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I did tell you. Now stop acting like such a baby.” Yuta said quietly, briefly blowing on the cut before he applied the ointment. While he was using all of his attention to tend to Jaemin’s wound, two figures burst into the small room.

“Dude! Didn’t I tell you to take a break earlier? Do you know how worried I was all day today?! I had Taeyong breathing down my neck all night because I couldn’t focus properly.” Mark exasperated in one breath. He turned his head and saw Yuta looking right back at him, a look of confusion now dawning on his face. “Why are you here?”

Yuta rolled his eyes. “That seems like the question of the hour today. You know, you should all be thanking me right now.”

“You’re going straight home after this; I won’t take any objections from you.” Haechan said sternly, his lips turned down at the corners with an angry grimace as he glared at Jaemin. He was no doubt fed up with the situation. Jaemin couldn’t even disagree with him on that one.

His blood-stained shirt was overpowering and nauseating, the copper scent invading his nostrils. As much as he wanted to continue working, he didn’t think that his body would agree, and he desperately wanted to take a shower.

His stomach rumbled loudly in the silence, causing a giggle to escape from Yuta. Haechan seemed to look even angrier than he did now if that was even possible, and Jaemin had shut his eyes to avoid looking at his face. Maybe he should’ve taken that break and ate the snacks that Haechan had prepared for him, but that was already in the past. Nothing that he could do about it now.

A look of adoration rested on Yuta’s face. “Jaemin, what if I just kissed you right now? What would you do?”

“What? I would punch you”

“Right, a little ray of sunshine, aren’t you?” Yuta retorted. “Maybe you and Taeyong should get together sometime, you two would definitely hit it off.”

“Okay enough chit-chat! Jaemin, I’m driving you home, now. Everyone else back to work.” Haechan bellowed. At his words, everyone left the room, leaving the two of them alone.

Jaemin took a moment to recollect himself and focus on his breathing, his head still slightly spinning.

After a few minutes, he felt hands lifting him up from the sofa. Jaemin grunted and tried to push away from the hands; as he’d been lying in a very comfortable position.

“We need to get going now” Haechan said, causing the other to frown. There was a harder tug on Jaemin, and this time he tried to stand up. It was dizzying to do so, but he managed to get out of the room with Haechan’s firm hand, the door slamming shut behind him.

“You really need to start listening to me more.”

Jaemin didn’t respond and leaned more on Haechan, inhaling the strawberry scent. “I’m so tired.” He whined.

Haechan patted his waist, grabbing it firmly to manage the other’s weight. “I know. Are you feeling better now?” he asked.

The waiter nodded, although he would feel ten times better after taking a shower and curling up in his bed, sleeping all of the aches and pains off.

“My mom texted me today.” He added just as the elevator dinged. He could feel the arm on his waist tighten slightly, causing him to look at the other. “I didn’t reply or anything, so please don’t do anything crazy. I just wanted you to know.”

The other tutted. “The audacity that woman has. If she texts you again, block her.” He said firmly. “You don’t need to take any shit from them, you already have enough on your plate right now.”

Jaemin nodded again wordlessly as they walked down a few hallways and through a set of doors. The last thing that he needs is to think about his parents and family in Korea. He still felt a bit of resentment towards them and the way that he was so easily erased from the picture, and maybe that would never really go away.

But he has long accepted the fact that he would never be able to change their feelings towards his sexuality. 

“You shouldn’t drink any alcohol for the time being. If I catch you drinking or buying drinks, I’m gonna slap your ass, hard.” Haechan said as they walked side by side.

“I don’t know that sounds more like a reward to me.” He said, sparing a glance in his direction. The other gave him a look of disgust, causing the waiter to burst out laughing.

“I’m serious!”

“Me too, who said I was lying?”

“Jaemin, no more drinking. It’s not good for you”

“Okay, okay, I get it” Jaemin said as he pouted his lips. Taking away his right to booze felt like someone was reaching deep into his heart and crushing all of the happy things. Ever since the ordeal with his drug problem, everything, especially his alcohol intake had been monitored. Jaemin couldn’t help but think that the other was going a little overboard as they exited the building.

When they both stepped outside, the car was already waiting for them.

The car in front of them was Donghyuck’s luxury black Audi, the body like liquid night under the dimly lit sky, the sun on the verge of rising. Jaemin stared at it in awe, it was seriously such a beautiful car. It must’ve cost him a fortune to buy.

Haechan darted forward to open the door for Jaemin, closing it behind him after he climbed inside. Jaemin let out a sigh of relief as he swiftly buckled himself in and rested his head on the head cushion. He hadn’t done much more than pull his seat back so that he could lay down before the sound of the engine starting rose to his ears, a low purr. The car then pulled out of the lot in a smooth curve to drift away from The Red House.

What a long day this was.

“I already ordered some food to your place. It should arrive by the time we get there, and I want you to send me pictures of the empty plates. No excuses, Na Jaemin!”

Jaemin hummed in response. What did he do in his past life to deserve such an amazing friend? “Thanks, Haechan. And I’m sorry about today. I just can’t afford to be behind on my bills. Jeno—” He started before cutting himself off. From the corner of his eyes, he could see that Haechan’s grip on the steering wheel had tightened, and Jaemin silently cursed at himself.

Even Jeno’s name elicited a strong type of anger in Haechan, and it wasn’t long before he had demanded that Jaemin stopped saying his name. He almost completely forgot about the agreement. “Sorry, I mean…it’s just been a bit rough. Trying to stay on top of all of my bills, but I just need to keep working hard.”

“Look, I understand that you need the money, but it’s about working smarter, not harder. If you keep this up, I will force you to leave at midnight and drive you home myself every day.”

Jaemin sat up from his seat to rebuttal but Haechan immediately cut him off. “I will take care of you if I need to Jaemin, you know that you always have me. You don’t need to do everything on your own.”

“But I don’t want to be a leech, Donghyuck. I want to take care of myself! I’m in this position now because of how I relied on Jeno. My savings are completely wiped out, I have no other choice.”

Haechan grimaced visibly when Jaemin said his name. “Well, maybe you need someone to take care of you because you’re not doing a very good job. But certainly not that asshole. How did you even survive up until now?”

Jaemin rolled his eyes and folded his arms. _I could take care of myself quite well_ , he thought. Yes, there has been some bumps in the road, but it’ll all work out in the end. He just needed to work his way up the ladder to get one of the higher paying positions at the Red House to be completely stable and work light hours.

The other’s phone must have been connected to the car because it rang loudly, thankfully. Jaemin didn’t really feel like talking to Donghyuck at the moment.

“Haechan, where are you?” The deep voice filled with worry boomed in the car.

The other sat up straight at the sound of the voice, quickly turning towards Jaemin and putting a finger up to his lips, signaling to stay quiet. He didn’t have to tell him twice; it wasn’t like he felt like talking anyways.

“I’m out running an errand right now. Why?”

“T-the bodies were brutalized. Neckties like this, t-their heads were decapitated and there’s blood everywhere, shit. Xiaojun down in the basement said that they weren’t cooperating with the boss. Johnny asked me to bring him the power drill and now their organs are scattered all around. One of the bodies were cut into a fucking pulp!” The man explained, his voice shaking.

Brutalized? Jaemin absentmindedly tightened his hold on the seat belt strap as he heard what happened to the men. He couldn’t help but feel nauseous. A strange feeling in his stomach convinced him that bile was going to escape his throat at any second.

He knew that the Red House was a criminal organization with all of the gang members that he sees on a daily basis, but he didn’t know that it was _this_ bad. If Haechan was involved, that would mean that he participated in those so-called interrogations.

All of the times he had gotten on Johnny’s bad side flashed across his eyes, and he was suddenly thankful that he was still alive.

“Jungwoo, please, calm down. Just ask Johnny to dump the bodies in the Sumida River or something. I’m not there right now so I can’t do much.”

“Ask Johnny?! Me? Are you insane? I don’t have a death wish right now. Why do you think I called you?” He babbled. “Johnny scares me. The way that he used that drill will forever haunt me in my nightmares.”

Haechan sighed with frustration. “Okay I’ll try to get back as soon as I can, just make sure no one goes into that room.”

“Thank you! I owe you one—oh no I have to go he’s coming back now, bye!” Jungwoo rushed before ending the call.

Haechan sighed again, hitting the gas pedal a bit harder. “I wish that I can hang around with you for a bit, but I can’t. I’m gonna drop you off at the front okay?”

“Yeah, that’s fine.” Jaemin muttered under his breath, his fingers fumbling with the hem of his stained shirt. He stifled down his questions as they passed the neon open signs of the 24-hour shops by his apartment.

If there was one thing that he knew, it was that he could trust Haechan. He was a good man.

When the Audi finally came to a halt, it did so right outside the apartment complex. It was a mediocre building, a structure made out of cement and metal. It rather looked cheap and tacky.

Jaemin popped his door open, and immediately got out of the car after unbuckling himself.

“Don’t forget to send me the photos!” Haechan barked out of the window before quickly reversing the car, driving back towards the Red House.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The prologue was present day, so I have to catch everyone up first ;). I'll be updating this book as I finish editing each chapter. All announcements are on my twitter @xxSeashell


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is extra long for some reason, so I'll be splitting it between part 1 and 2.  
> Tw: @xxSeashell

**1 Week from Present Day (part one)**

Jaemin first woke up in a daze, the persistent sound of someone knocking on the door startling him awake. He looked up and read the electric clock on his nightstand with blurry vision, vaguely seeing the small hand on the number seven.

Unbelievable.

He whined as he slowly untangled himself from the sheets, getting up from the bed to answer the door. Whoever it was at the door was very persistent. They kept knocking even though Jaemin had taken at least a minute to drag himself up and wrap a blanket around his body hurriedly, shielding his body from the cold since he was just in his boxers.

By the time he forcefully opened the door, Jaemin already had a dissatisfied pout on his face to greet whoever the intruder was. The said intruder was none other than Mark Lee, looking at him innocently with his hand still in the air, prepared to knock some more.

The look on his face angered Jaemin even more, the other clearly showed no remorse for knocking him out of his precious sleep.

He furrowed his eyebrows at the intruder. “Do you know what time it is right now? Don’t you have somewhere else to be, church boy?” Jaemin said bluntly, yawning as he tightened the white fluffy blanket around him. It was seven in the morning on a Sunday, and he had just fallen asleep three hours ago. To say that he was tired was an understatement.

It took him so much effort to fall asleep, and yet here he was, bright and early.

“Shall I knock on your door at a later time so that you could sleep some more, sleeping beauty?” Mark smiled sarcastically, patting Jaemin’s unruly hair down.

The younger curled his lip in mild annoyance as he shrugged his hand off. “Go home, it’s too early for this.” He said blearily as he shoved Mark out of the doorway. However, the latter quickly jabbed his shoe against the door frame, preventing him from closing it.

“I suggest that you move your foot before I crush it with the door.”

“Why are you so grumpy today? I’m here with a message from the boss, you could at least show a little enthusiasm…” Mark said, a frown etched on his face.

Jaemin sent him a questioning look. A message from the boss? C’mon now.

He was sure that he wasn’t someone important enough to have the boss directly send him a message. Jaemin furrowed his eyebrows as he racked his brain for a possible cause. The only thing that came to mind was that eerie phone call that he heard about a week ago. A man had been tortured for information about something.

He gasped inwardly. _‘Could it be that the boss knows that I heard about it?’_ Jaemin thought, his stomach dropping down somewhere close to his feet.

“W-what did he say?” He trembled, the soft white fabric bunching in his palm. Shit, it wasn’t like he heard about what happened to that man on purpose. The last thing that he wanted was to be threatened for something he didn’t even do intentionally. The thought of running to the police has never even crossed his mind once.

He was many things, but he wasn’t a snitch.

“There isn’t anyone with you right?” Jaemin said with a shaky voice as he peered outside of the door, scanning the area behind Mark, looking concerned. Deciding to work for a criminal organization was certainly the worst decision he’d ever made.

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Mark asked, sounding more confused than amused. “And move out the way already, I’m starving.” He said before pushing past Jaemin forcefully, stepping inside. The man crossed the apartment to get to the kitchen, swiftly pulling the fridge open as if he lived there. “The boss said that he wants you stay home for a few more days. He heard about what happened at your last shift.” He sounded before reaching inside and grabbing a carton of eggs and a packet of bacon.

Jaemin let out a sigh of relief at those words. “You could’ve just said that first! But uh, why do I have to stay home longer? It’s already been a week and I was kinda looking forward to working tomorrow.” He was already out of a week’s pay. To stay home any longer would mean that he wouldn’t have enough money to put into his savings account this month. Starting from zero again was truly frustrating.

Sure, he could ask Haechan for the money, but it didn’t feel right.

“I don’t know, those were his orders.” Mark hummed. “Anyways, enough chit-chat. Go take a shower while I cook some breakfast.” He ordered while he shuffled around the kitchen, grabbing a wooden cutting board and a knife.

“This is my place, y’know. You can’t just order me around—"

Suddenly, the large knife that Mark was holding came crashing down on the cutting board, causing a chill to run down Jaemin’s spine. “I’m not gonna ask you twice” he said, cutting him off. The latter’s glare seemed to shoot daggers into the shorter’s soul, daring him to try anything else.

“Fine, I’ll go now.” Jaemin said dejectedly, tossing the blanket on the sofa.

✦

His bathroom regime wasn’t very complicated, so he didn’t take very long to shower. Mostly just soaping himself up, washing his hair, and washing it all off in twelve minutes. He washed his face at the sink, brushed his teeth, and applied a bit of aloe moisturizer; his skin could get a bit dry at times.

He brushed his wet, honey brown hair back with his hands before wrapping a towel loosely around him, not even caring to look at himself in the mirror.

A burst of steam escaped the bathroom as he opened the door, quickly garnering the attention of Mark. “Don’t crawl back into your bed after you get dressed, the food’s almost ready!” He bellowed as he scrambled the eggs, sprinkling a pinch of salt in the pan.

Jaemin sighed as he stepped into the bedroom, slamming the door shut behind him. Mark was simply unbelievable, ordering him around as if he lived here. Although he did the same things to Mark at his apartment, this felt a bit different. Actually, now that he thought about it, this was the first time that Mark actually visited him.

The feeling of having someone else in his apartment like this again felt foreign. 

He rubbed his eyes roughly before he pulled off his towel, proceeding to dry off his body as he pulled his mind out of the clouds. There was no point in looking back to the past, he thought as he quickly rubbed the vanilla scented lotion on his body.

Suddenly, the door to his room burst open, catching Jaemin in the act of rubbing lotion on his chest, completely naked. Mark held onto the doorknob, his other hand gripping a wooden spatula by his side. “Why are you taking so long?” He asked incredulously.

In a frenzy, Jaemin grabbed his towel off of the bed and loosely wrapped it around the lower half of his body, gripping it tightly. “Have you ever heard of knocking? I just stepped inside, and as you can see, I’m still getting dressed!”

Mark rolled his eyes. “Dude, I’ve seen you naked already, what more is there to hide?”

“Can I just get dressed in peace?”

Mark half smiled, waving a hand at him to get changing. “I won’t look then. Just hurry up and come out. I need you to set the table,” He said decisively, shutting the door behind him.

Jaemin breathed out a sigh of relief as he threw the towel once more, slipping on a pair of black briefs. He also made a mental note to always lock the door in the future whenever he gets dressed since this seemed to be a regular occurrence. The first time this happened at Mark’s place was embarrassing enough, he couldn’t even look him in the eyes for three days afterwards.

Outside his room, the apartment was filled with the sound of sizzling food as he put on the clothes that were hanged in the closet. He stepped out five minutes later in black Adidas sweatpants and a matching hoodie, immediately heading towards the couch, softly laying down.

Jaemin didn’t even take the time to dry his hair and set the table since his body was screaming at him to lay down and close his eyes. He fell asleep rather quickly to the background noises of Mark shuffling around in the kitchen. The sound of frying bacon and whisked eggs was quite comforting compared to his usual empty place.

However, his nap was short lived as he felt someone massaging his wet scalp fifteen minutes later. Mark dug his fingers into the towel on Jaemin’s head, moving it around. Jaemin almost purred at the feeling. “Ah why are you like this at your big age?” The voice sighed softly in his ear. “You have to get up now, sleepy time is over.”

The younger protested the thought of getting up and leaned towards the hand, humming with content. “You’re like a cat” Mark inaudibly mumbled to himself.

When the hand suddenly stopped, Jaemin furrowed his brows, reluctantly opening his eyes. It took a few moments for his eyes to adjust to the light, squinting at the figure before him. Mark stood in front of him with his arms crossed and a stern look on his face. “Come on, let’s eat.”

Groaning, Jaemin got up from the white couch and onto his cumbersome limbs. Though he was still sort of tired, he was also feeling hungry now. “See, you didn’t even need me to do anything.”

“I was forced to do everything since you’re too lazy to do anything else, you should be thanking me.” He said lightheartedly, patting the Jaemin’s butt encouragingly when he walked by which Jaemin allowed only because he didn’t have the energy to do much else.

He pulled out his chair and sat down, observing the breakfast that laid before him. There was crispy bacon, scrambled eggs, and slices of toast on his plate. There was also coffee and a choice of water. A typical Western style breakfast. He couldn’t quite decide on where to start.

“Can you stop ogling the food and put it in your mouth?” Mark scowled.

Jaemin frowned and stabbed a piece of bacon, shoving the entire piece in his mouth. While the other waited for him to finish chewing, he spoke, “We need to go grocery shopping later. You barely have anything in there. It’s probably the reason why you’re so thin now.”

The younger gave him a stern look. “Do _you_ have grocery money, Mark?” It already cost him an arm and a leg to upkeep the apartment by himself. He was surviving just fine up until now on onigiri balls and ramen.

“No, but I know someone who does.” The elder smiled as he pulled his phone out, quickly sending a text to someone. Shortly after, his phone dinged. “Nice, I got 20,000 Yen. Let’s go after I finish cleaning up.”

Jaemin was a bit confused on how he managed to get that amount of money so fast, but he thought nothing else of it as he pushed a slice of toast in his mouth.

⭒❃.✮:▹ ✦ ◃:✮.❃⭒

He was in the act of tying his shoelaces when Yuta pulled up in front of the apartment building entrance, his smile almost blinding as he parked the car in front of Jaemin. He hopped out of the red sedan, dressed in a rhinestone studded suit made by some glitzy male designer, putting a few shopping bags from the back seat into the trunk.

Jaemin stood there on the pavement dumfounded as he watched the man pass by him. Not only was it just rhinestones, but it was _multicolored_ rhinestones. The man was walking around dressed like a disco ball. He knew that the taller’s clothes were rather expensive and of high quality since Jaemin himself stole a few pieces from his closet, but wasn’t this _too_ much? No sane person would wear a sparkly colorful suit just because they can.

His initial reaction was to make a clown joke, but it would no doubt lead to an argument since Yuta’s fashion choices was a touchy topic, and he didn’t have it in him to argue today.

“Let’s go to Nishaki Market, it closes early today since it’s Sunday, but they have the best deals.” Yuta cheerfully said as he walked towards the front of the car, hopping in the driver’s seat.

“Where did you even come from dressed like that? And I thought that Mark was the only one coming.” Jaemin sounded as he climbed into the passenger seat, shutting the door after himself without even bothering with his seat belt. He actually had to go out with Yuta dressed like this? No fucking way. He didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.

“Do you expect me to dress like a commoner when I look like this?” Yuta said in a rather amused fashion, gesturing at his body. “I look nice, don’t I?”

Jaemin gave him a stern look, swallowing down a joke that was at the tip of his tongue. “If you’re looking for a compliment, you’re really asking the wrong person.”

“It’s okay, I already know what your heart is saying.” Yuta hummed as he tapped his fingers on the steering wheel, completely unfazed by the shorter’s remarks. “Oh, and I had to use the car this morning, so I dropped Mark off at your place. I’ll be tagging along on your little shopping date too.” He added with a big smile, waggling his eyebrows.

“It’s not a date—”

“Sorry about that, I had to clean up a few things. Let’s go.” Mark exhaled as he climbed into the back seat of the car, pulling down the sleeves of his pastel blue hoodie, buckling his seat belt. 

“Jaemin said that I look sexy today, Mark can you believe it? He finally admits it.” He boasted while starting the ignition and entering traffic.

Mark suddenly clapped a hand on Jaemin’s shoulder, squeezing it encouragingly. It was if he was saying, ‘you’re doing great sweetie.’ Jaemin couldn’t believe the lies that were coming out of Yuta’s mouth within a span of a few minutes. The amount of restraint that he showed unquestionably deserved an award. He sat up in disbelief, settling to just click on his seatbelt and let the other’s words go in one ear and out the other. But before he could even pull the strap, his phone buzzed in his pocket.

It was a text from an unknown number. **‘Have you ever been caught between the devil and the deep blue sea?’**

_The devil and the sea?_ A wave of confusion washed over him as he read the text, especially since it was written in English. This person had obviously gotten the wrong number. He didn’t think much else about the text after deleting the message, however, he could feel a strange sensation in some stomach, something that felt like unease.

Then again, it could probably just be the sleep deprivation that was making him feel on edge. Jaemin sighed as he stuffed his phone back into the pocket of his sweatpants, leaning on the headrest as he looked out of the window. Crowds of people bustled on the large pavement. The soft sound of Mark whistling to a song on the radio flowed into his ears as Yuta steered through traffic. It was awfully busy for a Sunday.

Cars were already starting to jam up the streets, the smell of exhaust thick and heavy. Despite the typical scenery of the city, he had to admit that it was nice to be outside for a change.

As they passed by the familiar buildings, a bright electronic billboard on top of a mall plaza caught his eye. It was an advertisement, but it wasn’t just any typical advertisement.

“Hey Yuta, I forgot to ask earlier, but did you get the packages today? I think that my guitar came.” Mark asked conversationally. But Jaemin toned them out, turning away as he looked up out of the window.

“Oh my god” He whispered in disbelief. It showed Jeno posing with a perfume bottle, the still image quickly changing to a short video of him spraying it on with a smile. He looked tall and handsome as usual, dressed in a cream white suite. In a small red font, Banyue Label Entertainment could be seen on the bottom right.

Jaemin’s mouth was slightly ajar as he looked at the billboard. He couldn’t say that he was simply surprised though. It was also mixed with admiration. Jeno was simply drop dead gorgeous. He had the classic prince look that designers would want in a male model. The problem was that he never had much confidence in himself, but looking at him now, he finally found it.

He did it! He actually did it!

A small smile rested on his lips as he turned to look at the video once more before they drove off.

As reality came crashing down on him once more, Jaemin resisted the urge to immediately pick up his phone and call Jeno to congratulate him, the previous feelings of joy escaping his body as his smile was replaced with a frown.

Although he wanted to, he simply couldn’t. Jeno probably blocked his number after what he did to him anyways.

“What’s up with you?” Yuta asked, furrowing his eyebrows as he snapped his fingers in front of the shorter who was spaced out in deep thought. He didn’t hesitate to give his full attention to Jaemin as they stopped at a red light.

“Hm?”

“You haven’t said one word this entire time. Do you know how much you talk on a regular basis? You’re acting weird right now, so what’s up?”

Jaemin’s frown deepened as Mark joined in, their sharp gazes focused on him. “Nothing’s wrong, I’m just a bit tired today.”

“Really? Yuta drawled out, obviously unconvinced at the reply as he turned his eyes back onto the road when the light turned green. “You know, it’s not good to keep everything in.”

“I know” Jaemin flushed. It was the first-time hearing someone besides Haechan say this kind of thing, especially since it came from Yuta. At the very least, it was nice to know that he actually cared.

He knew that his friends were open to listening to his problems, but they wouldn’t want to hear him talk about his breakup. Although he was happy that Jeno was achieving things that he set his mind to, here he was, falling deeper into a bottomless pit.

Ever since that day at Banyue, life has left him sleepless, aching, and hurt in every aspect. It clawed its way through his body with no signs of leaving. None of it seemed worth it. The problem was that he didn’t know how to be optimistic about things, especially life in general. It was like he was back at square one, but even more worse off than before.

Everything seemed pointless now. 

At the very least, he needed to work harder if he wanted to keep things the way that they were now.

“Ahh why is everything so tiring?” Jaemin absentmindedly mumbled out loud as he ran his fingers along the hem of his black hoodie with a sigh.


End file.
